Advice from a Sunflower Page 16

  I’m mumbling, “That’s a complete lie,” at the same time Denise is yelling, “You mean to tell me you’ve been taking money from her for this long and hiding it from me?”

  Marnie stands to leave, throwing her hands above her head the way she always did when she felt overwhelmed as a child as she makes her way into the foyer. “Everyone needs to stop trying to blame me for their problems. I didn’t do anything wrong here. If I told you about the money, I would have had to tell Josh and he would have spent it on something stupid. I was just trying to take care of my family. You would have done the same thing in my position.”

  She disappears out the front door, slamming it as hard as she can behind her. I can see her walking across the lawn toward Eli’s house out the front window and immediately forgive her. She’s right. Her actions may have been wrong, but she was doing them for the right reason.

  “Everybody take a deep breath and calm down. There’s no need to argue and attack each other. It’s all in the past,” Tim tries calmly.

  I half expect Denise to smack him down with some insulting remark, but she surprises me by closing her eyes and taking a slow inhale.

  “I didn’t know she wasn’t telling you,” I explain after a moment of calming silence.

  Tim offers a reassuring nod. “Of course not, Kid.”

  “Why were you sending it to her account, then? She wasn’t the one paying the bills.”

  “Because you refused to talk to me when I left. You didn’t answer or return any of my calls. I figured you just didn’t want anything to do with me.”

  Her face softens as a guilty frown tugs down at her aging features. I always thought Denise aged so well when we were younger. I was jealous of her smooth skin and supple lips. Either I didn’t notice the change as it was happening, or the past seven years haven’t been kind to her either, but time has brushed its ugly fingers against her skin, leaving behind worry lines and crow’s feet.

  “It sounds like you two have a lot of misunderstandings to clear up,” Tim points out, standing from his chair. I haven’t noticed how tall he is, but he looks like a giant now. “I’ll get some coffee on and see if I can’t get Marnie to come back. Remember what Hannah told you to do when you get overwhelmed, Dee Dee. You’ve been working toward this for a long time now.”

  I’m not sure who Hannah is or what he’s referring to, but his words seem to calm her even further. Once he’s out of the room, Denise lets out an incredulous laugh, shaking her head into her lap. “He’s too good at that. Calms me down every time I’m about to get all up in arms about something small.”

  “That’s a good thing.” I wish she had met him years prior. It might have made growing up around her a little more bearable.

  “I wanted to talk to you when you left; I just didn’t know what to say. I was so rotten that morning. It felt like an impossible thing to come back from. It was so hard to see you go. You were about to have everything I’d ever wanted, and you made it happen without anyone’s help. All I could think about was my own jealousy.”

  It feels like if I speak, I’ll interrupt whatever process she’s going through that’s finally allowing her to get her true feelings out. In all my life, Denise has never been able to admit her jealous feelings for Marnie and me. She always just expressed them in other, more hurtful ways. So, I stay quiet for a little while longer while she gathers the strength to do what I know is next to impossible for her: admit she was wrong.

  “I always thought that you and Marnie ruined my life and I treated you like it was your choice to come into this world. I knew I was setting you up for a lifetime of serious issues, but I always figured my mom did the same to me, and I turned out fine.” She let out a humorless chuckle, rolling her eyes.

  “The truth I didn’t want to face was that it was all on me. Even if I didn’t have you two, I still would have washed up back in The Hollow at my parent’s doorstep. At least the way it happened, I have a family to be proud of and I got to cross paths with the most patient, understanding man I could’ve ever dreamed of. There was a lot of bumps along the way, but I’m proud of the path I’ve taken. I’ve been seeing a counselor and she’s been helping me work through all this.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.” I wipe away at the stubborn tears clouding my vision.

  “It’s like as soon as I saw you, I forgot about all the work I’ve been doing on myself…” She pauses again, staring down at her hands in shame. “All your books are on display in my house. Tim built me a nice bookshelf in our room with special lighting on each shelf. You know, like a spotlight on every single one. I wish it didn’t take me so long to admit that I’m proud of you to your face. Everything seems to have gotten in the way of us having a relationship but when I think back on it, you’ve never really given me a reason to treat you the way that I did. I know it’ll take some time, but I hope you can eventually forgive me for being such a rotten mother to you.”

  I wave my hand in the air between us, brushing off her self-deprivation. “You’re already forgiven. Seeing a counselor is an amazing step, Denise. It must be really hard to have your flaws put under a magnifying glass. If you’re willing to go through all that to be a better person in the future, there’s no reason we should dwell on the past.”

  A smile spreads across her lips and I realize it’s the first time I’ve seen her don a real one in years. “You’ve always been too good for us, Mouse.”

  I’m taken aback by that statement. It’s such a stark contrast from what she’s been telling me all my life. Tim and Marnie walk through the door before I have a chance to come up with a reply and Denise wastes no time telling Tim about our talk. He’s perched himself on the arm of her chair, looking down at her with nothing but pride and admiration. Marnie and I lock eyes then, the promise of another difficult conversation in the future nagging away at us. With a nod, we each silently agree to put it off for now and live in the moment with our family.

  Chapter 25

  Lyla

  In hindsight, I should have known it was coming. I should have seen the signs and taken heed of the warnings. As always, I’m a step behind the people in The Hollow—never quite cunning enough, or spiteful enough, or conniving enough. I’m constantly reminded that I was born a transplant. I’ll never fully blend in with the people I grew up around.

  It’s a Friday afternoon. I should be writing the next book Natalie pitched to my publisher weeks ago and preparing to send off the first draft. Instead, I’m watching the girls play on the swings at the park in the center of town. From my spot, I have a full view of every sad storefront and small town interaction that’s happening.

  For the most part, my focus is on Gabby and Ally as they compete to see who can swing the highest and fight over the other swinging on the same pattern as them. I’m not sure what draws my attention to the grocery store. It’s probably the same thing that always draws me to him—an invisible pull that tugs each time he’s within a short distance. Either way, I see them clear as day and I’m immediately taken back to high school. As the girl on the outside looking in while the boy I’m hopelessly in love with locks lips with another girl. Not just any girl, but Emma.

  My eyes swing over to Gabby and Ally again as my heart denies what I’ve just witnessed.

  Emma remains in Eli’s arms and she looks more comfortable in that spot than I’ve ever felt with him. Like she belongs there. And she does—at least more than I ever have.

  I feel like a fool as each interaction with him over the past few weeks replays in my mind. I thought we were moving forward and making progress. How stupid could I have been to once again ignore the warning signs? He told me he would destroy me. Here he is keeping his word. Like the naive little girl I can’t seem to shake from myself, I believed there was a chance something had changed. That there was a part of him that may have actually been serious about how much I allegedly hurt him. Now I know it was all a lie. Some sick joke to run back to Emma and laugh together at my expense.

  I�
��m not sure if Eli or Emma ever noticed me sitting there. I don’t spare them another glance as I gather the girls and get them in my car to go back home. They protest, but eventually follow once I promise every dessert I can think of and a movie night.

  Once we walk into Marnie’s foyer, I send the girls into the kitchen to wash up and greet their mom while I run upstairs and grab my laptop to book a flight home. It’s clear that I’ve overstayed my welcome here; The Hollow is beginning to reject me as it had seven years prior.

  Marnie has stood her ground and refuses to even entertain the idea of leaving with me anymore. My relationship with Denise has been repaired as much as it can be without allowing time to heal the deep wounds of the past. Eli has obviously grown tired of my company. He’s accomplished what he set out to do the moment he saw my face at the grocery store.

  “Hey, the girls are insisting you told them they could have ice cream and cookies tonight, but I was going to—” Marnie pauses in the doorway when she catches sight of my tear-covered face. I’m not aware I’m crying until I see the pity in her eyes as she slowly approaches the bed and sits beside me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Swiping away at the traitorous tears, I click the soonest flight I can find and add it to my cart as she watches quietly from beside me.

  “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

  “I just think it’s time for me to go.”

  “What did he do?” She sounds disappointed but doesn’t bother arguing with me.

  “Who?”

  “Eli.”

  I’m not sure how she knows about us, though it doesn’t surprise me in the least. Marnie keeps her secrets tucked to her chest. Her friendship with Eli is one of them. I’ll never know just how close they really are, and I don’t even care anymore. “I’ll kill him. I told him not to do this."

  She stands from the bed and storms down the stairs with heavy feet. I’ve only made it to the top of the stairs when she calls something out to the girls, busts through her front door, and heads in the direction of Eli’s house. I follow close behind, begging her not to do whatever it is she’s set on doing, but she ignores me. We stop on his porch and she offers me one last warning to run before she pounds on his front door with both fists.

  His car is in the driveway, though that doesn’t mean he’s home. Emma could have picked him up earlier and taken him to her house. The weirdness of their situation hits me as soon as the worn, wood door flings open and stops Marnie’s beating on it.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Eli’s deep voice asks.

  He looks more irritated than usual when he answers until he catches sight of Marnie. His face visibly softens. He can treat me like garbage all day, but he’ll never disrespect Marnie. I’m not sure how I lost sight of that.

  “You’re a lying snake. You told me that whatever arrangement you two had going on was mutual. What did you do to have her buying the first flight home?” Marnie wastes no time shouting accusations. She digs her finger into Eli’s chest, pushing him back into his house a few steps.

  His eyes swing over to mine, left brow lifted in intrigue. “Running home already, little Mouse?”

  I ignore his taunting, instead focusing on begging my sister to stop whatever it is she thinks she’s doing. She’ll only make things worse.

  “I never said it was anything he did, Marnie. It’s time for me to go home.”

  “You don’t have to lie to me, Mouse. For some reason, he’s had it out for you since you landed.” Marnie glares at Eli. “Here I thought I’d be picking you up off the ground when she left. Turns out I’ll be kicking your ass instead.”

  “I didn’t do anything to her. If she wants to leave again, that’s not on me. I will say I’m not surprised.” He glares at me, like somehow I’m the one who’s wrong for wanting my life to get back to normal. To leave this alternate reality. I’m not sure how many times I have to be taught a lesson about these people before it actually sticks. I need to stop being so trusting.

  “Of course, you aren’t. I’m sure you and Emma had this planned out from the start, just like before. I’m the fool who believed you this time.” I hate my meek voice. I’ve spent seven years reinventing myself only to have it all stripped away within weeks of being in the place that molded me into the person I hated.

  “Believed what? I never promised you anything but a broken heart, just like you gave me. You knew that from the start. And Emma has nothing to do with this. She’s my ex-wife.”

  “That’s not what I saw this afternoon.”

  “You said you were stopping that,” Marnie chimes, hitting Eli on the shoulder.

  “You knew?!” I shriek into her face.

  I’m mortified.

  Once again, Marnie has betrayed me by keeping secrets. It’s getting impossible to forgive her when the lies keep adding up. I don’t understand why they insist on keeping me at the butt of their jokes.

  Before she can come up with another lie to cover herself, Eli begins to talk. “Emma and I have barely spoken to each other since Mouse got back into town. I shouldn’t have to explain myself, but what you saw today was her trying to hook up and me denying her.”

  “Oh, come on. That’s bullshit and you know it. You weren’t making any moves to stop her. I can’t do this,” I mumble, mostly to myself as I turn on my heels and head down the porch steps, intent on leaving them without another word, but then change my mind at the last minute. I swing back around to catch them whispering to each other and decide that this is it. I’m done holding my tongue. I’m done sacrificing my own happiness to fall for their smokescreens.

  “I love you both so much and all you’ve ever done is hurt me. I don’t understand what I did to deserve the constant swell of teasing and playing with my heartstrings like I’m some sort of puppet, only here for your entertainment. I’m going home. The one I’ve managed to create for myself despite everything I’ve been put through in the place I should feel most welcome. I tried to make it work in The Hollow, but none of you want me here, so I won’t be coming back. Congratulations, you got what you wanted.”

  I turn to leave again, taking a few steps before rounding back to say, “And by the way, my name is Lyla. Not Mouse.”

  Neither one bothers arguing with me. I’m all the way back at the house when I finally get the nerve to turn and see that Marnie hasn’t bothered moving from his porch yet. They seem to be in a heated discussion, completely ignorant to my staring. I allow myself to be disappointed in her for ten whole seconds before taking a deep breath and shutting the large door behind me, closing them off for good.

  I would have followed her. I would have told her everything I knew about Eli—his marriage to Emma, their daughter, his mother’s health...everything. I would have made sure that she knew all there was to know before jumping into anything with him.

  But Marnie isn’t me, and I need to stop looking for myself in her and everyone else. Coming back to The Hollow has only shown me exactly how much I’ve benefited from staying away for so long.

  As my fingers enter my information for the first flight leaving tonight, I vow to myself that I’ll never make this mistake again. Once my plane takes off tonight, I’ll never step foot in The Hollow again.

  Chapter 26

  Eli

  I met with a social worker today to discuss Ma’s future. It was as nerve-wracking and infuriating as I expected. I ended the meeting with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. There was no winning in this situation. I’d either feel like a piece of shit for sending her away to rot in a home or I’d feel like a piece of shit for letting her rot alone in her room.

  On the way back, I stopped at the grocery store to grab her prescriptions and a few staples for the week. Of course, because we live in a small town where I can’t even take a shit without someone knowing, I ran into Emma in the checkout line. She attempted playing it cool when she first saw me, but she couldn’t keep her crazy on a leash for very long. Once I paid and headed out to m
y car, she took my lack of words as an invitation to join me.

  “I feel like we haven’t been able to connect in a long time. Why don’t you come by for dinner tonight? I'll make your favorite.” Her voice has that flirtatious lilt to it that has never worked on me.

  I continue loading the groceries into my trunk, refusing to look her in the eyes when I say, “I’m busy tonight. And I think we should be done with that.”

  Emma steps into my view, craning her head to catch my gaze. I finally run out of grocery bags and have no choice but to look at her. Her brows are pinched together in that familiar way that always makes me think of a bird.

  “It’s no coincidence that she comes back to town and you suddenly want nothing to do with me. I hope you know that I won't be waiting around for you to come crawling back after she leaves again.”

  “It has nothing to do with her. It was a weird thing for us to be doing in the first place. It’s time to move on, Emma.”

  “So, you just want to throw everything away because you decided it’s weird?” She’s trying her best to come off as angry, but I know her well enough to see the crinkle in her eye that only shows up right before she’s about to cry.

  This isn’t what I wanted to be doing today.

  “There’s nothing to throw away. We’ve been divorced for a while now. I just think it’s time,” I repeat, trying to keep my tone gentle though I’m losing patience with her. She was the one who initiated the divorce. She was the one who insisted that us hooking up meant nothing. I’m only following her lead.

  Something in her relents. She finally allows the tears she’s been fighting to fall from her eyes. I’m not sure what to do, so I grab her shoulders and pull her into a tight hug. As insufferable as she may be, she’s still given me a significant part of her life. I owe it to her not to be a jackass just because nothing is going my way.